“This is like so weird because I like totally love you so much and oh my god when I came out here I was like there’s no fucking way I’m going to run in to him but I figured why not try. Right? So I watched Artifact like 40 times … like over and over and over trying to figure out where the hell your like secret spot was and I’m like looking for clues in every frame…crazy right…hah-hah… then I came out here – well a few times because I wasn’t sure where exactly to go but that gate, man that gate gave it away! You know that one scene where you and Tomo are doing the ‘pooh shammi’ thing….that happened right here! Oh my god.”
And Jared felt like puking vile bile all over this kid. And the kid kept puking out his rainbows and unicorn glitter all over Jared. And the moment became so goddamn uncomfortable that Jared had no choice but to take control. So he asked the kid “Hey Kid?”
“Yeah, man? What? I can’t believe you’re talking to me!”
“Remember how the pushyami works?”
“Yeah, you um …”
“The short version: find a rock, meditate over the rock whats troubling you then toss it in to the abyss and let go of whatever is weighing you down.”
“Yeah, so you wanna try it?”
“Of course man, of course.” So the kid searched the ground for a perfect rock. Nice and round. Smooth. No edges. And he smiled at Jared and presented the rock before him inside his open palm for approval.
Jared nodded. “Good one. Ok now come over here by the edge. Watch your step, ok?”
“Now close your eyes and think about whatever it is that’s troubling you, then give that rock a whirl and let it go…ok on the count of three….one…two” and Jared pushed that little fucker right off the side of the cliff.
“Whoopsie” Jared said and he went back to the boulder, picked up his trail mix, popped an almond on his tongue and sighed the sigh of a contented man once more.