Month: March 2016


I’m not sure that I’m allowed to tell you about what happened yesterday.  It’s really fucking crazy and hardly believable.  But it happened.  You see.  This type of thing happens quite often.  I’m sure.  To all sorts of people.  But it never happens to me.

I’m not one of those folks. Not one of those people that things happen to. I’m plain and boring and invisible. So how could it ever?  I’m chubby.  So why would it ever?  I’m not smart.  So why should it ever?

I don’t really know exactly what your impression of me might be, but I should say, to spite all of that, it happened.  And I’m not sure if I should tell you what what happened actually is.  I might ruin the moment if I share it with everyone.  Right now it’s my story.  And mine alone.  And well I guess it’s a little bit his story too but that’s just two of us. If I tell you, you might feel like somehow my story is your story.  My story would belong to a lot more people after all that.  A lot more than just him and me.  And I think I’d rather just keep quiet for now.  Keep my own thoughts and my own wits about me.  So you can just go on now.  I’m not saying a thing.

I shouldn’t have mentioned it in the first place.

I’m not even sure that I’m allowed to tell you about what happened yesterday. It’s really fucking crazy and hardly believable.  But it happened.  You see.  To me.

At the bottom of the canyon

I should have known better, but I didn’t and I was too naive to care.  I guess you could say I left all of my good sense back home at the foot of my father’s grave.  At least that’s what my Mother would say, if she ever got her hands on me.  The whole point of moving to LA after college was to become someone else.   That meant taking risks and putting myself out there.  And that’s exactly what I did.  You can’t fault a girl for trying.  Can you?

It all began with an internship.  An overworked and underpaid (not paid at all to be more precise) glorified slave position at a small start up company inside the home of an Academy Award Winner.  Of course when I got the internship I thought – Holy fuck! I’ve made it to the big time!  But I hadn’t.  Not yet at least.  I was on the bottom rung of a crooked ladder stuck deep in a mud puddle.  But I was as happy as a pig in shit to be in that puddle.  Hell, to be on the farm at all.

My Oscar winner boss was the main investor and pseudo designer of an app intended to streamline a fan’s purchase of a star’s memorabilia line and random merchandise like t-shirts, jewelry and jackets.  An app that meets the market’s demand for immediate access to “Cunty Crissy necklaces” and “DJ Faded headphones” without all the usual hassle of first clicking then wading thru her nudes to get to the merch shop and putting in your credit card, paying extra shipping and blah blah blah before then going over to and repeating the mind-sucking experience all over again.  Our app would save you from the hassle.  A one stop licensed crap shop.  Brilliant.

My boss hired three of us to build this app which never had a name.  The other kids were fine,  they knew their shit and we were banging out code like pros.  Our boss, however, he was a nut, his timeline for completion was unmeetable.  He wanted done yesterday what you hadn’t even been introduced to until late in the day today.  He was unreasonable and I hated him immediately.  But the experience I was gaining was too good to walk away from.

It was my job to populate the app with mock pages for made up celebrities complete with bios and merch lines so we could run a simulated shopping experience for our potential clients.  It was an insane amount of coding and I hardly ever slept but when it was done, I felt like it was worth every single late night, early morning, missed meal, greasy hair bun, chewed off fingernail and then some.  It was a slick little app. Streamlining at its finest.  It just didn’t quite take off the way Mr Oscar Winner would have liked so he quietly sold it to someone else and that was that.

It was only when I started working for another Academy Award Winning entrepreneur that I learned that my little unpaid app building internship yielded the OG Oscar Winner a nice 4 million dollar paycheck.  Ugh! I should have known better!  But I didn’t.