Somewhere on the other side of the country, where the sun perpetually shines, Sarah Lloyd’s Hollywood honey was filling his modeling portfolio quickly. Luckily for him, there were an abundance of calls for baby-faced, blue-eyed heartthrobs. His look was TeenBop approved. Totally California. He modeled for CocaCola and Noxzema while he waited to hear if a network would pick up the off-beat pilot he shot when he first got out there. He was hustling and making actual money. Sharing an apartment with four other guys in the business. He kept his entire life inside a black duffle bag he’d hide whenever he left the house. He was making it work and hardly thought about Sarah at all.
To be fair, he did ask her to come with him, but she refused. She was such a mess. He thought a change would do her good but she was too content in their shitty apartment with the drippy faucet and a torn shower curtain. Co-dependent on everyone but him. She had potential – could actually act. But she wouldn’t listen to reason and she started smoking too much pot and not doing much else. He resented her and then one morning he simply left. He wasn’t going to rot away beside her. He had dreams and a level of confidence (and God given beauty) to maybe pull it off. So far he was right.
There might be room for Sarah somewhere in his future. She was very much the love of his life. The one he assumed he’d spend forever with. But not today. She has a lot of work to do on herself and until she becomes self-motivated to change, he’s going to leave her exactly where she is ….in the past.
The morning of Sarah’s abortion, three days after she was kicked out of the half-way house, Sarah stood in front of the mirror in her room at the Traveler’s Lodge. She pulled her t-shirt up to reveal her belly and she turned sideways to gauge whether she looked bloated. There was a slight curve to her once flat stomach. Sarah winced. She looked newly pregnant and by this afternoon, she would no longer be.
It felt like the wrong thing and the right thing to do all rolled into one impossible decision. She knew she was in no place either mentally, physically or even financially to bring a baby in to the world but it still was just that: a baby. She had a million reasons to justify the procedure but also a lot of guilt. She wished time would speed up. She needed it to be tomorrow so badly. Gabriella was going to sneak over as soon as humanly possible. But they both knew that probably wouldn’t be today. Sarah would have to fend for herself today. And tonight. But she’d have her best friend by her side tomorrow.
She thought about trying to find him. To tell him what she was about to do. But she didn’t even know where to begin. He didn’t leave a forwarding address or anything. And she knew he wouldn’t be listed in the phone book. Not yet and if his dreams became reality, hopefully not ever. She was truly alone.
Sarah rubbed her belly once more. Said aloud “I’m sorry.” and grabbed her cigarettes and wallet off the dresser. “I’m so sorry.” she said.
The door to Sarah’s hotel room slammed shut behind her. She didn’t look back.